Written by Masturbation: The Asexual's Best Friend
If you've never heard of the term 'as' when someone identifies their sexuality, it might catch you off guard. 'As' is short for 'asexual', which can mean two radically different things. Biologically, asexual refers to an organism that can reproduce on its own (often called "budding") and we're pretty sure no human can do that! Sociosexually, on the other hand, it refers to someone who prefers not to have sex with another human.
Asexuality has some misconceptions that are easily dispelled. For starters, someone who is asexual does not practice celibacy or abstinence. Those would be behaviors, or would depend on someone's actual choice to live without having sex with others. Another easily dispelled misconception: asexuals do not identify on the heterosexual to homosexual spectrum. Instead, consider asexuals with libido finding others attractive but not necessarily wanting to be with that person. There's also the mistaken idea that all asexuals have zero sexual desire or libido. We can consider asexuality applying to two cases: someone who has zero sexual desire, or libido, or someone who does have sexual desire but does not have sex with others.
Let's also add to this the premise that human sexuality is fluid rather than fixed. Any of us can have a great interest in one sex/gender for years, completely change interests, have periods of pansexual interest, and/or experience times with no sexual interest in others. Therefore, it's entirely reasonable for any of us to find ourselves experiencing definitive asexuality at some point and wondering what our options are.
Masturbation is the best friend of a libidinous asexual. We have the urge, the interest, but we're not interested in sharing, experiencing, demanding, negotiating, or just wanting someone else in our libido adventure(s). We're perfectly fine with being alone when it comes to sex, and yes, masturbation IS sex: it's just sex with yourself (by definition). One of the great elements of solo sex is that there's no pressure to feel or do anything from anyone else: we have total control over our eroticism.
Having complete control over one's eroticism can be erotic in itself. Want to edge and never reach orgasm? That's entirely in our control! Want to abstain for days and then explode into multiple orgasms in a single day? Control! Want to have an orgasm every day, on a schedule? Still our control! If intersectionality with submission and dominance seems surprisingly convenient, it's a nice reminder that asexuality has as much dimension as any other sexuality in terms of its diversity.
It's also the 21st century, so manufacturing and digital technology are incredible supporters of asexuality. Devices that would have been significantly dangerous in centuries past have been completely replaced with wonderful safe 'toys' (often easy to clean) that complement solo sexual exploration. Masturbation sleeves are relatively affordable and offer different sensations. Tenga eggs are single-use masturbation sleeves with a different inner texture: they are relatively inexpensive and really change the sensation of masturbating. Some masturbation sleeves are even more "fixed" with a plastic tube, like Fleshlight, providing a different dynamic (due to simple changes in self-controlled air pressure) than what a sleeve alone can provide. There are different cores for these and each one provides a truly different intensity: one is silkier and feels like a slippery pleasure ride, another is more ribbed and feels like an intense massage, while another has more studs and feels like an intense assault on the hand.
One of the great advantages of any type of masturbation sleeve is that you can choose a simulated body part or a neutral design, depending on interest. It's great to have some neutral designs (those that don't resemble a mouth, anus, or vagina) for sleeves because it focuses more on the sensations of complemented masturbation and removes the focus on "what sex/gender might be interested". Neutrality can be very liberating, allowing us to enjoy eroticism without social commentary. while another is more studded and feels like an intense assault on your hand. One of the great advantages of any type of masturbation sleeve is that you can choose a simulated body part or a neutral design, depending on interest. It's great to have some neutral designs (those that don't resemble a mouth, anus, or vagina) for sleeves because it focuses more on the sensations of complemented masturbation and removes the focus on "what sex/gender might be interested." Neutrality can be very liberating, allowing us to enjoy eroticism without social commentary. while another is more studded and feels like an intense assault on your hand. One of the great advantages of any type of masturbation sleeve is that you can choose a simulated body part or a neutral design, depending on interest. It's great to have some neutral designs (those that don't resemble a mouth, anus, or vagina) for sleeves because it focuses more on the sensations of complemented masturbation and removes the focus on "what sex/gender might be interested." Neutrality can be very liberating, allowing us to enjoy eroticism without social commentary.
Even masturbation sleeves, like the Cobra Libre II, include vibrations that focus on different parts of the phallus. Penis rings can also contribute to eroticism by maintaining a healthy erection for hours on end. They can also be combined with vibration packs to create a really different and welcome 'buzz' that can stimulate more than just the penis itself.
And then there's the variety of insertable toys. These can be two separate types of toys or toys that 'offer' both in one. Anal plugs are one type of insertable, and allow us to have something to grip internally while we masturbate. Orgasms (and edging! Oh gods, edging!) are tremendously more intense when an appropriate toy keeps the anal muscles open just right and that tight intensity can make even the quietest orgasm turn into one of panting and moaning pleasure. Having an anal plug with a flared base is essential because who REALLY wants to end up in the emergency room and explain how it got stuck there?
Prostate stimulators (yes, also with a flared base somehow!) also open the anal muscles, but they also allow us to push on the prostate as much or as little as we want. Something like an Aneros can be left alone and will hit that bulge (or G-spot) every time the anal muscles squeeze, which is incredibly erotic and can feel like a smooth, undulating rollercoaster of erotic intensity. Prostate toys like this also have handles that allow the solo sexual player to pull or push at will, giving more control and variation to the rollercoaster. Some prostate stimulators come with vibrators, others with vibrator add-ons and, like the penis rings and sleeves we talked about earlier, add another level of excitement to masturbation.
Then there are vibrators and dildos, sometimes considered the 'default' of insertables. Dildos, like anal plugs, can help us grip and squeeze, allowing us to intensify pleasure both while stroking and having an orgasm. They can hit the prostate, but dildos are usually longer and/or thicker and are used to feel more penetrated or feel more pressure on the anal muscles to increase intensity. Vibrators, on the other hand, can be a great tease on any part of the body and because they come with so many speed settings, each masturbation session can be different. Unlike all the other toys, vibrators awaken all kinds of nerve endings in our skin and remind us that our skin is a great erotic playground. Vibrators can feel like one of the best tools for asexuals because it literally allows us to take sensation exactly where we want it. to try out our new sensations and get a real sense of how we like to be touched on the body. Then there's all the option of penetration with vibrators: there's so much control over how deep, at what angle, with or without thrusting. there's so much variety available that it's no wonder how 'valuable' a vibrator can be when masturbating.
What better way to round out the eroticism of solo sex than choosing the lubricant. No lubricant provides more direct physical contact, greater biofeedback, and more immediate sensation. It's almost primitive in its simplicity because it requires nothing more than our hand and our cock. We don't need a setup or a situation, and we can do it anywhere. There's no money involved or a possible sense of discomfort when buying lubricant from Fun Factory or Fleshlight.
All the toys we've talked about, on the other hand, as tools in the chest of pleasure of asexuals, work best with lubricant and there are three main types: water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based. Water-based lubricant tends to be stickier, can be flavored (yes, more variety!), and is a lot of fun to play with its gel-like quality. For silicone-based toys, water-based lubricant is the only lubricant. Oil-based lubricant is thicker and lasts much longer than water-based lubricants, and works very well with prostate toys because this type of lubricant mimics the oils our cells use to lubricate our body (especially our anus). Silicone-based lubricant is the slipperiest of the three types, usually lasts longer, tends to be the most expensive, and if you want silky smooth solo sex sessions, this is the type for you.
When it comes to asexual orientation, whether short or long term in one's sexuality, it's good to know that when it comes to masturbation, we have many options for self-stimulation. Our choices are incredibly safe, incredibly private, and help us stay connected with ourselves and what we enjoy.
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and now if you'll excuse me, talking about all this has me very excited and I'm going to enjoy some solo sex.
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