We constantly talk here about being "proud" of our penises, but never really about how to get there. I love talking about penises. I love talking about my penis. I love talking about the idea of the penis. And something that makes this blog rewarding and special for me is the feedback from other men around the world who say they feel the same. Or that they are learning to do so. That last part is really huge. While we are in an era where pornography and erotic work are clearly ubiquitous, and ideas about sexuality, gender fluidity, and desire are discussed and expressed more actively than ever, we do not necessarily think much or talk much about freeing ourselves from ideas of shame around our bodies. When I say “we,” I mainly refer to cisgender men. I do not specify to be exclusive, but to acknowledge that I try to speak from my personal experience, and I try not to prescribe or proclaim anything to those with a different experience. In my personal life, I relate to many guys who are ashamed of their penises, even if they do not always acknowledge it as such. Shame can be like smoke in the air that finds its way into all kinds of cracks and dark corners, affecting different people in different ways. While one may not feel ashamed to be naked in a locker room or at the doctor's office, they may still privately harbor negative ideas about the size, shape, and function of their penis when alone with it. Pride in the penis is far away. That is why the market for penis enlargement is more expansive and more ridiculous than ever. Pill manufacturers, potions, and elongation devices are capitalizing on men's deepest insecurities and assuring them that everything they have ever worried about is true; that their bodies are wrong, that their genitals are not enough to achieve maximum pleasure for themselves or their partners, and that enhancement and perfection will be. The three things are deeply flawed and infinitely harmful. Your body is not “wrong”. No matter the shape or size of your penis, it is excellent. Every penis in the world is different. Imagining that there is an ideal to aspire to in order to be acceptable is a trap that unfolds over you and your penis.

Your ideal penis is YOURS!

Pleasure is a relative standard and having a huge penis will not make you better in bed, it will not make your partner climax harder, and it will not make your orgasms longer or stronger. Knowing that society generally "approves" of men with large penises might give you a spring in your step. But through genders and experience, the energy of the big penis is what truly attracts people to you. Self-confidence gained through introspection, examination, and work is 100 times more valuable than any inch gained through surgery or stretching devices. Think of it this way too: simply owning a huge truck does not guarantee that one knows how to drive or park it to satisfy themselves or others. All it means is that they have a big truck. The process of accepting the fact that your body is as it should be, and that your genitals are too, is not as simple as waking up one day and smiling at your erection, realizing that everything will be fine. . It takes work, effort, and thought to learn these ideas in your brain in a way that supplants the negative ideas we have carried throughout our lives before a change. But even a small step in a positive direction is still an improvement. Here are five different ways to start reframing your relationship with your penis and develop a sense of pride in it along the way:  

1. Look at Yourself

This is difficult because, as we grow up, we condition ourselves to see ourselves less and less. Instead, we see the stories we tell others with our personal grooming, clothing, and physical presentation. We may like or dislike those stories, but either way, over time we stop seeing what is really there in favor of the story itself. Even when we are alone.

Taking the time to look at your body and your penis, as you probably did when you were a child, is essential to learning to love yourself. Mirrors are great for this: the bigger, the better. Bring a chair close and observe yourself from all angles, from the cock to the eye. Are there elements that could be improved with a detailed trim and a good shaver? Make that change. Grooming is a trick to help you become more of what you want to be, without resorting to permanent changes or giving in to shame campaigns.

However, better than mirrors are photos and videos. Do something! You probably walk around with a 4K compatible camera in your pocket. Enter a well-lit space (natural light is always best) and learn to photograph yourself doing it. If you get nervous while playing and find your angles, that's great! It means you are on the right track. Being excited to see your own penis and the attention you give it can be a sign of narcissism, but it is also a stop on the road to feeling genuine pride.

If you do not like what you see when you study your erection and your balls, think about why that is. Are you intrinsically dissatisfied with the sensations and excitement that arousal and stimulation bring? Or maybe you are clinging to ideas or thoughts that someone else has said or shared with you? We often learn to incorporate negative ideas that do not actually belong to us, that do not originate with us. But after years and miles we can start to feel the same as our own organically cultivated thoughts.

Do not do this just once. Do this often. Weekly. Make an appointment with yourself to do it. Look at yourself in the mirror, take photos, and do it all with good light. You never finish seeing yourself and you will always find something interesting in the process: a new flattering angle, a new touch or area that stimulates, or something to explore more deeply through grooming or play. Frequency generates normalcy.

2. Listen to Positive Feedback

Anyone who has ever been insulted while naked or vulnerable knows the eternal power of negative words. But how quick we all are to release like helium balloons into the sky all the times someone has smiled or grinned at our nudity or erection, or told us we were handsome or sexy, or even uttered a stuttered "nice" once we exposed our true selves. ? Being present in the moment with others can be extremely challenging. And so compliments and praises can be missed or dismissed. We may think someone was "just being nice" or just trying to get more. But the truth is that in that moment with you, they said that because they meant it. Over time, in spaces like this, you will get used to (I promise!) compliments about your penis, your pleasure, and your willingness to be authentic and exposed. This is the root of being proud of how you look without clothes.  

3. Use the Words with Which You Most Identify

We have definitely discussed the idea that words carry an immense and enormous weight when it comes to topics that do not receive a fair share of public discussion. Calling your genitals your "privates" reinforces the notion that they are secondary to who you are as a person, and that they are necessarily secret and shameful. Even the way men use the bathroom, together but divided by walls and barriers, reinforces the idea that we should not see or be seen down there. Deciding the language you use to describe your penis and testicles, and your states of arousal and orgasm, is key to learning to feel comfortable not only having a penis, but talking about it and allowing it to be seen and discussed! What words feel accurate? What words generate excitement or suddenly make you feel aroused? What words make you shiver or feel insulted (even if that is not their main accepted intention)? Do you have a MEATY COCK? Do you love showing off your DICK going commando? Do you have a BIG DICK? Are you JERKING OFF? Is it your BONER? Or your ERECTION? Your HARDNESS? WOOD? What happens when you masturbate for too long? Do you CUM? Or are you ready to SHOOT? Making an active decision to use words that relate to you and your experience will help you feel confident when describing yourself and what others like. Get rid of any word you do not enjoy or find degrading or disrespectful to your pleasure and presentation. You are always in charge of yourself. Even in the words you use to describe yourself.  

4. Spend Time with the Idea of Your Penis

One of the main reasons I love underwear, penis rings, and ball stretchers: is that these things allow me to be connected with my genitals throughout the day. Even as I write this right now, I am fully dressed (believe it or not), but I am wearing super comfortable boxer briefs. Not because I am actively masturbating, or even aroused or trying to maintain an erection. But because the soft sensation, the friction of my exposed glans against my underwear, and the support of the boxer brief's pouch conspire to keep my attention at least slightly on my penis. As men, we are conditioned to split our existence between sexual moments and everyday moments. The result of this is that we stop thinking about our penises when we dress for work and, often, we do not think about them again until we have to pee or undress at the end of the day. They live silently crushed in underwear that does not support them or allow them to maintain a naturally pronounced posture, until we remember we have them and take them out for a function. But we are no different. We are complete beings who have a penis all day, every day. While it may not be appropriate for you to wear accessories or underwear in a work environment that make your genitals stand out more prominently, you can still find moments every hour to remember your penis without being a masturbator or an office pervert. With a Cockring, you will know exactly how to keep your attention on your penis all day. Thinking about your penis throughout the day can take the form of mentally imagining it, scrolling through the photos or videos you have on your phone, rubbing it between your pants or pocket, or even taking an extra moment alone in the bathroom to hold it, rub it, and even smell it a bit. The intention here is not to masturbate to orgasm 15 times a day. If you are not someone who was taking breaks at work, you probably do not have to start now. But learning to think joyfully about your penis and remembering that it is down there throughout the day can be the foundation for feeling pride in how your penis makes you feel. You can think of it as "mentally overcoming" yourself, during the part of your day when you can really take off your pants, rub and hold yourself, and delight in the warmth and comfort of how good it is to have something attached to your body that is basically ONLY for a pleasurable sensation (even peeing feels great, admit it)! I almost never deny myself when I need to adjust my penis (like at the gym or just in public) or simply want to comfort myself with how it feels to hold it through my pants. If someone wants to look, let them look. They will almost never say anything, and releasing the shame associated with our genitals as a "no-touch" zone means that it really won't affect me even if they do.  

5. Learn to Masturbate as an Act of Admiration, Pride, and Love

Many of us learn to masturbate as a superficial release of semen and tension. It is a stress reliever and an endorphin booster that gives us momentary pleasure and vents the explosive agitation of masculinity for one more day to avoid combustion (which, yes, vents the stupid gas). It is something we joke about and admit to doing only in the name of this superficial release. That is how men who still do not love their penis behave. Even if they have a huge one, they probably do not feel prouder of what it can do or what it means. Most of us never learn to take that superficial exercise to a space that recognizes how wonderful it is to have a penis. Instead, it is an appendix that we crush without art until we start to experience pre-ejaculatory tingling and then we cum and move on to other things. But your perfect penis, a magical friend. It is there. If you are reading this and you have one, I am talking about YOU and YOURS. Your penis is a conduit to your masculinity and to the shared connection inherent in that masculinity. What gives guys the ease with which they view and share on sites like ours is the understood connection that we are all experiencing together. We all know exactly how it feels to get hard. We know how it feels to grease your erection. We know how it feels to edge and edge until you finally just dribble cummmm. And so we can clearly see each other in it. And we know it can be seen in us. When you masturbate, only good things happen. You experience physical pleasure. You experience changes in serotonin. You visualize other men masturbating and connecting to their world through their penis, whether alone as you are at that moment, or with partners who open their bodies to share, connect, and communicate. You join a wavelength of empathy when you witness other penises and experience your pleasure and joy along with them. It is easy to see why many have described this as a connection with the divine. It feels deep and meaningful. Because it is.